Root Beer and the Leper Colony

Those of you who read my mom-in-law's blog have already been introduced to Root Beer, but for those of you who have not met her, you are in for a treat.

First, let me recite a rhyme I learned as a little kid that, spookily, is an apt representation of what you are about to discover. Here we go:

FUZZY WUZZY

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy was he?

And now I present to you Root Beer:

The fuzz-less wonder.

Yes, Root Beer is missing her fur. How could such a thing happen, you ask? Well, it would seem Root Beer has a contagious form of leprosy. She is not the only creature in our home to suffer from it, though, thankfully, thus far all of us humans have been able to avoid infection.

The contagion seems to be attracted most to those of the furry persuasion and has rendered half of our stuffed animal population with a disturbing case of mange:

The Leper Colony

Root Beer was not the first to be infected. This disease began innocently enough with Giraffe (aka Jeffrey) two years ago. Upon closer inspection you will discover that Giraffe still maintains the majority of his body fur, but has a distinct receding hairline resembling male pattern baldness.


Nemo was the next to become ill and suffers from a far more wide-spread infection, totaling the majority of his orange fuzz and approximately 50% of the white. Oddly enough, he seems content with the damage, as he has been experiencing an identity crisis - trying to reconcile being the only known furry fish. With most of the fur now gone, he feels he now more closely resembles others of his kind and believes that leprosy was the best thing to ever happen to him. Encouraged by this life-changing event, Nemo now intends to find his father, who is currently shacked up with a dumb blonde in the Great Barrier Reef.

The next victim in line was Elmo, closely followed by Cookie Monster. After reaching puberty at an extremely young age (explaining the abundant overgrowth of body hair), the two monsters became stricken with a rare form of the disease - total inability to grow a beard. Ridiculed and exiled by the hirsute Sesame Street gang, Elmo and Cookie developed a friendship that is more than fuzz-deep. Determined to help others living with the disease, they organized the support group Baldies Anonymous and are serving as co-directors of the local chapter.

The first female to be affected, Hannah has become an outspoken advocate for bunny hare loss - I mean hair loss. Hannah's infection extends from her head, down her back, all the way to her cute little bunny butt. Fortunately, her physician was able to curtail the spread of the infection, thus saving her fluffy white tail.


Root Beer is the animal with the most severe case. Now completely bald except for a few tiny patches here and there, she experiences an extreme sensitivity to heat and cold. Her only desire is that this story will touch others and encourage them to action. She anxiously awaits a cure to this dreaded disease and asks you to do your part in moving the cause of Stuffed Animal Leprosy forward.

Right now there is already another animal experiencing the early symptoms of SAL. Tiny bits of fuzz are already beginning to appear all over the carpet and sofa when sweet, innocent Tigger is in the area.

Only YOU can prevent Stuffed Animal Leprosy (SAL).


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NEWS ALERT:

If any of you should see this little girl in the vicinity of a stuffed animal, contact the authorities. If she is sucking her thumb, consider her armed and dangerous. She is known to be the leading cause of SAL and must be put in quarantine.