PMS arsenal, part deuxAmazingly short on the salt, which means there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Sadly, I just HAD TO HAVE barbeque potato chips, which are not my fav. The bag says they are made with "all natural oil," which I guess is supposed to make me feel better. I'm not eating chips laced with Chevron with Techron. Good for me.
I'm eating the fruit Smiles as I type. Chad bought these once and I got addicted. Sometimes a girl just needs her artificially fruit-flavored corn syrup and yellow #5.
As for the Hershey's caramel syrup, it's like caramel corn in liquid form. I mix it with a little milk to make it "healthy."
Now on to other things:
I'm eating the fruit Smiles as I type. Chad bought these once and I got addicted. Sometimes a girl just needs her artificially fruit-flavored corn syrup and yellow #5.
As for the Hershey's caramel syrup, it's like caramel corn in liquid form. I mix it with a little milk to make it "healthy."
Now on to other things:
My back-up husband, Mr. Darcy.When I am PMSing I have a compunction to watch Jane Austen movies - especially Pride & Prejudice. Nothing beats the BBC/A&E version ... all six hours of it. Fitzwilliam Darcy is a hottie with a lottie (ie: he's rich). He is my back-up husband when I find dirty socks on the living room floor or beard shavings in the sink. When I find the Rubbermaid container that housed Chad's lunch two days ago and, as I open it, am knocked unconscious by the foul fumes, I drift away into my own personal la la land where Mr. Darcy resides and fairies do my laundry and dishes. It is a happy place. There are no piles of toenail clippings, no peanut butter smudges on the counter that someone promised to clean up, and no ... Nick Jr. or Dora the Explorer.
I mean, we KNOW you're the map, you're the map, you're the map! Move on! I can't be the only one who wants to introduce The Map to a butane lighter, right? Right?!
I mean, we KNOW you're the map, you're the map, you're the map! Move on! I can't be the only one who wants to introduce The Map to a butane lighter, right? Right?!
Die, Map, die.Moving on.
I think the Everybody Love's Raymond episode "Bad Moon Rising" should be required viewing before marriage. It's the PMS episode and I love it with all my heart.
Ray: Where do you want me to go?! What do you want me to do?! Just tell me what to do--spell it out for me!
Debra: Have you ever thought about giving me a hug?
Ray: A hug?!?!?!
Debra: Yes, a hug. Have you ever thought of hugging me, you jerk?
Ray: Well, it's kinda hard to hug somebody who's trying to kill you!
Debra: Well, maybe it never occurred to you because you've never even tried it before!
Ray: Listen, this is not huggable. This is not Debra! This is the woman who shows up once a month to rip into me like a monkey on a cupcake!
Ah, marital bliss. I think the best part is when Ray gives Debra the PMS pills he bought at the pharmacy and points out that they alleviate cramping, bloating, etc.
Debra: There's nothing in here for bitchy.
Ray: What?
Debra: I said there's nothing in here for bitchy.
Ray: You probably need a prescription for bitchy.
4 comments:
Hello! Why didn't I find your blog sooner?! You are too funny. I feel like you and my wife have a lot in common. I don't like her to watch Everybody Loves Raymond anymore because it makes her feel justified. (Just kidding, I love that show). And I am well acquainted with Mr. Darcy, but we generally watch the Kiera Knightly version (for time reasons), however, I think that Eliza (my wife, not Bennet) is more fond of Mr. Ferrars of Sense and Sensibility.
I'm glad I found your blog!
Thank you for giving me a good laugh! I love ya! I even read it to Vic because he kept asking why I was laughing so hard!
Right on, sister. Although I'm still riding free for the moment since I'm still breastfeeding and my period hasn't returned yet (hallelujah). I feel your pain. You make me laugh. Your descriptions and comic undertones bring happiness to my life. Why don't we live closer right now? P.S. I think we're going to live with my parents for 4 months, August - December, next year while Jordo does one of his "externships." Can we hang out?!!
chanelle, once again you have made me laugh out loud. you are such a gifted writer...and I am totally serious, I'm not just trying to flatter you. I have to agree with you on two important topics - 1)Mr. Darcy and the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice - hands down the best and onliest one i enjoy watching. 2) the map he's the map he's the map and we all know it already!
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