Disturbing

Okay, so I'm in Wal-Mart in the Barbie aisle hunting down Christmas presents for my little chica when I see this:

Plastic and latex Lucy and Ethel effigies.

The eyes are seriously unsettling and probably follow you, but that's nothing. Look what I found next:

Yes, that is Elvis and Priscilla.

Mattel has gone to the dark side. This poses a serious threat to me and my daughter because we have both recently been sucked into the Mattel Merchandising and Marketing Machine. We have ...

Oh, can I really admit it? My reputation will be ruined! No one will respect me any more!

Okay, suck it up Chanelle. Just tell the good people. The truth will set you free!

All right. My daughter and I have started ... watching ... and ... enjoying ...




BARBIE MOVIES!!!!

Yes, I admit it. I like Barbie Fairytopia/Mermaidia. And Barbie Island Princess. Does that make me a bad person?

Now Barbie Diamond Castle, the latest Barbie installment, sucks royally. But I like the other two mentioned. They are surprisingly well done. And Island Princess has some good songs that I've had stuck in my stupid, brain-washed head.

So there. I've been outed. I feel surprisingly ... light ... like a burden has been lifted.

Anyway, I admit to all this to import the gravity of the situation. Caralie and I have been led down the slippery slope this far. If Mattel is marketing a child-marrying-pervert-Elvis to my four-year-old, what can be next?

No. You can't be serious. They wouldn't do that would they?

Oh yes they would!
And, yes, those are plastic birds affixed to her hip and forehead.

I don't know what's more disturbing -- Barbie's less-than-annoyed-about-being-pecked-to-death expression or the fact that this item is being displayed at children's EYE LEVEL in the freaking TOY DEPARTMENT.

"Mommy, why are birds attacking Barbie? And why is she smiling about it?"

Now to retain my PG-rating, I have refrained from posting a photo of the scantily-clad Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader Barbie. This, and being attacked by rogue foul, is apparently what today's 4-6x crowd is aspiring to. I thought Bratz were bad!

Did the four horsemen of the Apocalypse mosey into town while I was reading my daughter Angelina Ballerina? WHAT IS GOING ON?


UPDATE: I showed The Birds photo to Caralie and asked her what she thought of it.

"I like it. It's funny! I like the birds!"

"Really? Why?"

"They think she's a tree and they're landing on her!"

Okay, so maybe I was a little too worked up.